wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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