Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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