WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
