oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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