Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
