New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
