i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize