Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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