some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
