**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
