Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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