I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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