just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
