cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
