thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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