I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
