I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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