I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
