You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
