ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize