I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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