I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
