I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
