Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have already put on my inside pants.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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