Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
