You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
