A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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