im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
