You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
