are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize