hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
