I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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