Pants 0. Shit 1.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm sobbing to NWA
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
