she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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