remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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