there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
