I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
