Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Randomize
