dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
