Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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