last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The air taste purple.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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