i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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