I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
