Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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