Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
