Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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