I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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