I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
