I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
