I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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