you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
