I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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