haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
