U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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