Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize