yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
