Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
