You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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