Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
