All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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