Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
