the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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