he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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