All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
