Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
