You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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