ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
