"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sext me about skeletons
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize