That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
