Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
its liver damage thursday
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
