Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize