Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
