i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
