'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
