im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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