If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
