bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
