Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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