Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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