I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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