i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize