i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
