Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sobbing to NWA
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
