Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
