I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
