I wish my penis had an off switch
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
