No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
