Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
