Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize