Soap is not a condiment
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
