She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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