Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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