The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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