His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
