Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
