last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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