Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize