Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
