He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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