just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
