He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
